Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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