week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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