i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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