test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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