I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She bit a glass in half.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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