Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
