I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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