I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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