so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
