woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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