Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
