i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
