i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
