You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
