You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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