Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
