went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
