Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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