I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
