my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
