Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
