Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
