Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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