you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
