life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
