did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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