Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I want to make a zoo with you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
