It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
