If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can I color on your dick again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
