i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
