In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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