Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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