i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
