I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
