Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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