Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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