So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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