my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
