lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
