If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
