I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
