I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
