i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
