Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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