I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
