I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
