I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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