dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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