I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
