So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
