Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
