I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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