Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
