Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
