Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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