tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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